It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Let's get the cat blown out
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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