i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
