dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize