found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
