I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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