Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
