wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't deserve a penis
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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