Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
