Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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