why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.