I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel