I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"