Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
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while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
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spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!