Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna

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  (847): I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna http://tfl.nu/isgx
  Replies (7) Good night (1857) Bad night (2667)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.

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  (757): I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving. http://tfl.nu/twkc
  Replies (36) Good night (3155) Bad night (1174)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck

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  (260): My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck http://tfl.nu/clun
  Replies (41) Good night (4483) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  God I fucking love America.

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  (513): NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016... (1-513): God I fucking love America. http://tfl.nu/eses
  Replies (45) Good night (9253) Bad night (1270)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone

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  (480): i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone http://tfl.nu/s959
  Replies (12) Good night (6538) Bad night (1681)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend

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  (678): i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend http://tfl.nu/xiia
  Replies (7) Good night (3775) Bad night (1209)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.

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  (845): He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up. http://tfl.nu/zpkp
  Replies (3) Good night (2704) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day

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  (617): FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day http://tfl.nu/h5lz
  Replies (8) Good night (2496) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.

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  (605): Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you. http://tfl.nu/wiel
  Replies (26) Good night (1505) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Stop whining I left you with whiskey

  (224): View more from Illinois

  YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.

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  (224): Stop whining I left you with whiskey (1-224): YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE. http://tfl.nu/439l
  Replies (6) Good night (2252) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.

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  (309): My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage. http://tfl.nu/8smk
  Replies (3) Good night (1620) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.

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  (901): No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state. http://tfl.nu/kqwr
  Replies (8) Good night (1325) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball

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  (813): It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball http://tfl.nu/dyfa
  Replies (1) Good night (508) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.

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  (740): I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck. http://tfl.nu/g6o5
  Replies (7) Good night (841) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.

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  (864): I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it. http://tfl.nu/k0l9
  Replies (1) Good night (463) Bad night (139)

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