Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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