I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
