I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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