Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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