margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
