Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
