y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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