Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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