May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
