The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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