I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
