Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
