my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You pole danced in your parka.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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