i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
