I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
