please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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