i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
