i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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