dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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