im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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