he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize