So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
