I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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