Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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