And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
should my penis look like a turkey
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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