I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
