would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
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Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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