Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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