You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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