I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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