This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
