i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
