Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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