Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
