Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
