just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
