you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize