I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize