i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
