State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We have started to decorate penises.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
