I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
