Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
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A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?