Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.