I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina