i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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