His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
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so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?