I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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