Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
