i just had sex bonerless
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize