I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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