You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
