I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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