Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.