Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes