PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up