Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.