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How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
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