dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.