My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.