Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.