If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
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Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick