this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
