She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
