I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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