Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
