Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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